Tag Archives: Pizza

Working Titles For My Forthcoming (And Totally Imaginary) Autobiography*

  1. Who Are These People, and What Do They Want?
  2. No Is A Sentence.
  3. And I Was There Too.
  4. Porcupine Blues.
  5. Lose A Man, Eat A Pizza.
  6. Hardly A Sham.
  7. I Remember Everything.
  8. Small Wounds.
  9. Various.
  10. Meh.
  11. Just the Crunchy Bits.
  12. BRRAMP!!!
  13. The Loud Part Quiet and the Quiet Part Loud.
  14. How About I Just See You There?
  15. LOL STFU!
  16. OK Guess I’ll Put On A Bra Then.
  17. Sludge and Drudgery.
  18. Paper Beats Rock?
  19. Everything That Isn’t, All the Things That Aren’t.
  20. It Had To Be Somebody.
  21. The Bitter Sweets.
  22. Armloads!
  23. You Missed.
  24. More Money Than Cents.
  25. Not Over It.
  26. Fire, Fire, Everywhere!
  27. FINE, fine, fine, fine.
  28. Pub = Public House, Flo Rida = Florida. And Other Discoveries.
  29. Only You Would Think That, Karen.



* Please follow any of these with “The Cindy Phan Story,” where you feel it best fits.




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Filed under Animals, Books, People, Plans, Pop Culture, THE FUTURE


Our landlord called tonight to let us know we can’t use the water until 3PM tomorrow afternoon.  There are sewage problems in the downstairs unit.


It’s like breathing.  Taken for granted until you can’t take advantage of it anymore.  Or blinking.  If you knew how often you needed to do it, you’d become disillusioned by your own poor design.

Not to mention tiring circumstances.

The more pressing problems – no showers, no toilet – will really press in time. For now, I’m not that dirty (ripening but still not ripe!) and if I have to, I can hold off using the toilet for for-EVER.  All things being equal.

No Big Gulps tonight!  No million cups of tea!  No prune ‘n rhubarb pie!

No.  The immediate problem is dinner.

What to do?


Nothing that requires washing.  Self-contained food only.  What does that leave us?

Apparently, all our produce comes from exactly the 1980s.

Together at last?




If I combine the above with, like, spices, mix with soy sauce, white vinegar and raw ramen packs, does that count as a food?

You know, please?


Is it really necessary to wash everything before you prepare it for eats?  What’s the danger here regarding germs and sickness, really?  I mean, OK.  So, I licked a bare foot once.

Why is it that, made red and swedish, these are IRRESISTIBLE?

The question is: whose foot?

How far removed from that is this?


Stephen (imploring):  Cindy…Cindy would you like to order a pizza?

Cindy (meek, exasperated, murderous):  Yes.  Yes…OK.

Stephen (cautiously buoyed):  O-kay.  Just…come out of the corner.  Back into the light.

From deprivation to salvation!  I live to fight another day.

And now…I have to pee.

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Filed under Interruptions